Five

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

That's one of the questions I was asked in one of my first meetings with my guidance counselor when I moved down to Florida five years ago. It's a fairly common question, especially in things like guidance counselors offices, job interviews, etc. Quite honestly, I don't remember my answer. I was probably something superficial like "working a great interpreting job, living in a nice house, married to a great guy who works an awesome job, maybe a kid on the way." As if five years of life can be summed up in a nice concise answer.

I had no idea what God had in store for me five years ago, when He moved me half way across the country from my family. The only reason I could find when people who would ask me why I moved here was simple, "because God told me to." And believe me, I got strange looks. And I felt strange saying it. 

Now here I am, five years later. Working two part-time jobs, living in a townhome, married to a wonderful man of God who is currently unemployed, with my second baby due just any day really.

I won't ever tell you that the last five years have been easy. Truthfully, it has been the hardest five years I have experienced thus far. But I wouldn't trade where I am now for anything in the world. 

I moved down here in a relationship that was less than healthy for me, yet I clung to it because it was familiar. His family liked me, I had a safety net. Despite all the signs God gave me that this was not His plan for me, I held out. I doubted God would provide for me. I suffered. I finally ended things. And it was ugly. I grieved over the relationships I lost. I hurt over people not believing me as to why I ended things. I felt alone. But it was there that God provided. He provided me with comfort only He could give me. He gave me rest in the fact that I had done what was right, and what was best for me. He provided me with the prayer and support of my friends and family who told me, "you'll get through this."

And then He provided me with people. People like my future sister-in-law who the the week before Christmas said, "Hi, I don't really know you but Andy told me you aren't going to be able to go home for Christmas and you don't really have anyone to spend it with, so you're going to come stay with us. Oh by the way, I'm Amber- Andy's sister in-law." I fell in love with a family that was so ridiculously like my own that it scared me. I was interrogated over Christmas dinner. I answered every question about my life over a course of two days.  God had placed it on my heart soon after the end of my previous relationship that He would provide me with family. He exceeded my expectations. 

Had I listened to God the way I should've, if I had ended things in my previous relationship when I knew it was no good for me, I very much think things would've been different at the start of mine and Andy's relationship; less whispers of how he was just a rebound for me, no questions of Andy's true motives for our relationship. I felt the guilt. I was hurt by people I never thought would hurt me. Andy and I lost friends. But we knew where God was leading us. Those who knew us best supported us and prayed over us. They gave us love and advice. Their concerns were expressed with kindness and wisdom. We took it to heart. We prayed. A lot. We read God's Word together, and separately.

And then we got married. And we still do all those things, but to even greater lengths still. 

But marrying into ministry is an overwhelming experience. There are many great things, and not so great things I've learned. The role of a pastor's wife is not something I ever expected myself to take on,  and it is definitely the hardest role to balance, especially because I'm not one who's the best at holding my tongue.  We've had some wonderful experiences leading worship on several different occasions together, writing music together, writing a musical together (that was technically during the engaged phase), and being involved in student ministry and helping with childrens ministry on occasion. I've fallen asleep on our couch numerous times waiting for him to come home from working late, or a church event he had worked. I saw people take him for granted and heard people tell him "well you're not a real pastor." My heart broke as I watched the way some people who were looked up to would treat others, would talk about others, would do to others. I prayed for God to heal the injustices, to right the wrongs, to convict and redeem hearts (and still do). I held it all in when all I really wanted to do was cry. I held my husband's hand on his last day of ministry at a church he had grown up in.  I prayed over my husband's decisions. I stood by his choice to turn down a job that meant security because it wasn't where God was leading us, despite what some people said about that decision. I've watched him grow more in the last six months than I could ever imagine, and I've never been more proud of the man of God I married.

I also became a mother barely a year after Andy and I were married, and that in itself is an overwhelming ministry!! The struggles have been more than I could expect, and the blessings are sweeter than I could have ever asked for. Every high pitched, ear-piercing squeal of defiance that frustrates me to no end, is matched by a sweet snuggle and kiss from my smiling little angel and melts my heart. There have been nights where all I've done is cry and watch the monitor as she struggles to get back to sleep, and there are days filled with so many giggles and smiles I don't want nap time to come. And I'm terrified for our new bundle of joy to arrive, but I'm beyond ecstatic for the blessings I know can only come from sweet little babies. 

So where do I see myself in five years from now? I'm not really sure, but I know God has a plan for me. I pray im still married to my amazing man of God (hopefully employed by then), raising two wonderful little princesses into women of God (and done with diapers). Probably still working two jobs, because let's face it, I'll work at the Disney Store until we move somewhere that doesn't have one within 100 miles of it, and being a freelance interpreter is something I do enjoy if only for the fact of the flexible hours on some days. But I know that God has so much in store for my family than I could sum up in some interview question, or even a blog post. :)